» in space, everybody can hear you scream

[spacebaloney]

You've reached Lance, the Paladin of the Blue Lion. It breaks my heart to tell you that I'm unavailable to take your call right now, but if you leave me a message, I'll get right back to you.

Comments

text;

[spacebaloney]

yeah, i could
if we had a viable ship
i was a pilot after all

text;

[sassymaru]

Wonderful!

Where can we find one?

text;

[spacebaloney]

not here.
i guess if we had the parts and fuel and a whole lot of time hunk and pidge could probably build one
but we don't so...
sorry? 🤷🏽‍♂️

text;

[sassymaru]

Is there no way to locate these parts...?

text;

[spacebaloney]

don't think so
it's not like we can just hop on pokezon and buy them
for starters, they're usually like a skillion dollars

text;

[sassymaru]

I have money.

[Sorry, Lance, this is. Kind of a thing right now.]

Surely we can amass enough to make some sort of start.

text;

[spacebaloney]

i'm talking about way more money anybody here has, dude
the kind of money where you have to sell your ass on a pleasure planet for DECA-PHOBES

[Oh my god, Lance, please.]

text;

[sassymaru]

You sell your body for spare parts!???

text;

[spacebaloney]

no way
all this don't come cheap
lance mcclain needs to be wined and dined and romanced
and not for any spaceship parts either

text;

[sassymaru]

Then... what are you talking about? Selling your "ass"?

text;

[spacebaloney]

i'm talking about hooking, bro
giving up the good good for money! dinero! moola!

text;

[sassymaru]

Hook... ing?

text;

[spacebaloney]

wait...
you have no idea what prostitution is?

what are they teaching you ai kids nowadays? 🤨

text; 1/2

[sassymaru]

Of course I do! I am a detective after all

text;

[sassymaru]

...


Wait.

You're suggesting we engage in prostitution for the necessary parts!?

text;

[spacebaloney]

IM NOT SUGGESTING ANYTHING I WAS JUST SAYING THAT TO AFFORD THE PARTS WE WOULD HAVE TO MAKE THE KIND OF MONEY A HOOKER DOES WTAF MARU IM NOT EVEN 19 YET

text;

[sassymaru]

I HAD ASSUMED YOU WERE IMPLYING WE ATTEMPT IT!

HOW ELSE AM I GETTING TO THE MOON? IF YOU HAVE ANOTHER IDEA I AM OPEN TO SUGGESTION!

text;

[spacebaloney]

YOU CANT
WE CANT GET TO THE MOON BECAUSE WE DONT HAVE A SHIP
WE DONT HAVE A SHIP BECAUSE WE DONT HAVE THE PARTS
WE DONT HAVE THE PARTS BECAUSE WE DONT HAVE THE MONEY
WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE MOON SO BADLY ANYWAY
THERES NOTHING THERE
ALL THE GOOD STUFF IS ON THE OTHER PLANETS

text;

[sassymaru]

I NEED TO GET THERE
I NEED TO GET THERE BECAUSE I SAID THAT I WOULD
I KEEP MY WORD

ARCEUS IS THERE AND I MUST HAVE WORDS WITH IT

text;

[spacebaloney]

W
T
A
F

wtf are you talking about
arceus isn't on the fucking moon

text;

[sassymaru]

Yes, it is! I was told by someone who'd seen it there herself.

text;

[spacebaloney]

okay well i don't know what they're smoking but they're wrong
there's nothing on the moon but some craters and rocks
don't believe me if you want but i'm the one who drove by it so whatever bro

text;

[sassymaru]

They told me it was there!

I have no other option for finding it! That creature is why we're here. And why some of us leave.

text;

[spacebaloney]

yo...
i'm sorry but there's really nothing up there
at least last time i checked
who told you this?

[Because if someone is telling Maru stuff that could be true, Lance will want to pick at the info course himself. And if it's just bullshit, bullshit about why people come and go, then he wants to make sure this person stops fucking with his friend's emotions.]

text;

[sassymaru]

She seemed so knowledgeable...

[This can't be true. He'd been so hopeful, too. Just to get an answer... There's a lengthy pause before he sends the conversation along.]