spacebaloney | » in space, everybody can hear you scream

[In answer, Blue just whines.]

[He really should have brought Haunter or some other way to communicate. It's hard to tell your hero you're having the Ultimate Teen Trouble when you can't speak human. And also you have onion hands.]

[Or whatever it is Gallades have for hands.]

[No matter. That whine tells Lance all he needs to know. Something big happened. Something that rocked Blue's Pokeball enough that he came seeking advice from his hero.

There's a slight rise to Lance's eyebrows (and if one looks closely, they can notice how the skin there has a reddish tinge to it--the side effect of careful plucking) as he moves closer to his bed.]

Trouble with the ladies?

[Just like that, Blue's head pops up off the ground. He has a sock stuck to it. But this does not faze the Gallade. He starts nodding, vigorously. Yes, he's having trouble with ladies. They won't acknowledge him no matter how much he flexes! Zappy said that would work!]

[... really, Zappy should never be consulted on these matters.]

[Lance is pretty sure that sock belongs to Pidge. For starters, his feet are not that small and secondly, she's been leaving bits and pieces of her clothing in his and Hunk's rooms for a good couple of weeks now. Sooner or later, Lance's floor might look like hers--no floor to be seen under her stuff--and he'll have to put a stop to her. But right now, Lance's woman problems pale in comparison to Blue's and taking advice from Zappy means nothing is going right.

Zappy should never be consulted on anything. At all. Period.]

Ah, I see. [He sits on the edge of his mattress, rubbing the towel over his hair.] A Gardevoir?

[Well at least it's Pidge's sock and not a... gross sock. But seriously, Blue won't complain about Lance's floor. Not when his buddy is offering to help him out.]

[He scrambles into a sitting position, those lanky legs going everywhere before settling under him. Looking Lance right in the eye for a deathly serious nod. And squeak.]

[Yep. A Gardevoir.]

[Oh no, if it's Pidge's sock, it's definitely a gross sock. That girl has some sweaty feet. Lance can attest to that.

Smirking, he tosses the towel aside and pats the bed next to him, inviting Blue to get up off the floor.]

Is she hot?

[Of course she has to be a hot Gardevoir. Lance is fully confident that his little bro over here has great taste in women. Just like his big bro.]

[Oh. Oh okay that's nasty, save him now Lance. He flails a bit at his face.]

[Blue hops up next to him, swinging his feet. And makes a solemn nod. Oh, this lady is FINE, buddy. The most fine. That's why she won't give him the time of day.]

Damn, that's rough.

[The tens are always the roughest ones to bag. Not that Lance is speaking from experience or anything. He has very little experience bagging anybody, tens or zeros.

But he can't tell that to Blue. He has a reputation to uphold.]

What have you tried so far?

[Lance asks, as if Blue can just up and tell him in actual worlds.]

[Blue nods, sadly. Yes, it's the worst.]

[There's a pause. Before Blue launches off in some rapid-fire chatter about what he's tried. It's mostly just flexing and being in the same spaces as the object of his attempted flirtations.]

[He's... really got to stop asking Zappy for help.]

[It's weird as hell how Blue doesn't say one word that's coherent enough for a human to understand at face value, yet Lance gets the Gallade's point across crystal clear. Maybe they are more alike than Shiro said they were. Or maybe it's because Blue's a psychic Pokemon. Whatever the case may be, Lance shakes his head as he reaches out a hand and pats Blue on the shoulder comfortingly.]

Yeah, dude, that's good and all, but just showing her the gun show ain't enough. You gotta be smooth, real smooth. Like have you even complimented her? Kissed her hand? Told her that her eyes rival the stars at night? Propping up her ego is the first step to getting in with the ladies.

[What the fuck, Lance? Have you been reading those pick up artists books again?]

[How does Lance do this? We just don't know. But Blue's not gonna question it. Blue's gonna hunker down and listen to his hero talk. Lance clearly knows what to do. Lance has got this all under control and Blue is living for this.]

[He shakes his head, no. He hasn't tried those things. Should he? Should he tell her everything he's thinking?]

[CAN LANCE COME WITH HIM.]

[Depends. What is he thinking? If he's anything like Lance, there's a sure chance that there's a lewd thought or ten better left stuffed inside Blue's brain.

He should definitely try those things. Probably guaranteed to work better than when Lance tried it on Allura.

And no, Lance cannot come with him. For starters, it's pretty much impossible for a human to play wingman for a Pokemon. Secondly, Lance is a taken man. No cheating over here.]

All right, check it. Do you know where she hangs out? Who her trainer is? If we can figure out that, we can figure what she likes and see what you can do to convince her you got it.

[Pokemon don't have lewd thoughts. Not like people do, anyways. But he'd sure feel a lot more comfortable if his Hero could go with him. Just for a little while. Just to meet the lady pokemon.]

[He swings his feet again. Then starts chattering. No, he's not sure if she even HAS a trainer. She's just out chilling on the beach sometimes. And who doesn't like being on the beach!]

[Well, if he wants his hero's approval, that can be arranged. Sometimes knowing your friends agree that so and so is a major hotties helps.]

So no trainer. Then she's a wild one, huh? [Lance, don't double entendre a Pokemon.] How does she look in a bikini, dude?

[Look, beaches mean swimsuits and he's seen shops that carry clothing for Pokemon. Besides, this is a man to man talk and Lance sees nothing wrong with a little locker room gossip. Gross, though.]

[It does. Blue has no idea how they're communicating this, or why Lance would think he has good taste, but man. He is glad it's working out.]

[A nod. At least, Blue thinks so? Maybe he just hasn't seen a trainer. He may be clueless. It wouldn't surprise anyone who knew him.]

[But the last question. He blinks.]

[... Lance.]

[What is a bikini.]

[Only the greatest thing invented by man, Blue! And probably by men, considering the item in question.]

You've never seen her in one. [Poor Blue. He's really missing out on that visual.] Okay, got it. Let's start from the basics. Does she have a name?

[Squeak, says Blue.]

[It's probably the other pokemon's name. Loosely translated, the name would probably be something like "Kevin".]

[Because apparently this pokemon's trainer is the kid from UP.]

[Lance narrows one eye, not quite sure he can make out Blue's response. It sounded like Squeak, but that could just be some onomatopoeia mistaken as a name. After a moment, he shrugs because it doesn't matter. What matters is that they get a list of important information so Blue can work on making a killer impression.]

Okay, so we got a name. She likes the beach and doesn't seem to have a trainer. Anything else you can think of about her? Have you seen her on the network?

[Because lord knows these Pokemon fiddling with the 'gears when they aren't supposed to.]

[Squeak squeaker squeak.]

[There's a lot of gesturing involved this time. Hand waving, charades, you name it, Blue is trying to do it. What it all breaks down to is, no. He hasn't seen her on the network. Just wandering about on the beach.]

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