» in space, everybody can hear you scream

[spacebaloney]

You've reached Lance, the Paladin of the Blue Lion. It breaks my heart to tell you that I'm unavailable to take your call right now, but if you leave me a message, I'll get right back to you.

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[spacebaloney]

Damn, that's rough.

[The tens are always the roughest ones to bag. Not that Lance is speaking from experience or anything. He has very little experience bagging anybody, tens or zeros.

But he can't tell that to Blue. He has a reputation to uphold.]

What have you tried so far?

[Lance asks, as if Blue can just up and tell him in actual worlds.]

[shiro2hero]

[Blue nods, sadly. Yes, it's the worst.]

[There's a pause. Before Blue launches off in some rapid-fire chatter about what he's tried. It's mostly just flexing and being in the same spaces as the object of his attempted flirtations.]

[He's... really got to stop asking Zappy for help.]

[spacebaloney]

[It's weird as hell how Blue doesn't say one word that's coherent enough for a human to understand at face value, yet Lance gets the Gallade's point across crystal clear. Maybe they are more alike than Shiro said they were. Or maybe it's because Blue's a psychic Pokemon. Whatever the case may be, Lance shakes his head as he reaches out a hand and pats Blue on the shoulder comfortingly.]

Yeah, dude, that's good and all, but just showing her the gun show ain't enough. You gotta be smooth, real smooth. Like have you even complimented her? Kissed her hand? Told her that her eyes rival the stars at night? Propping up her ego is the first step to getting in with the ladies.

[What the fuck, Lance? Have you been reading those pick up artists books again?]

[shiro2hero]

[How does Lance do this? We just don't know. But Blue's not gonna question it. Blue's gonna hunker down and listen to his hero talk. Lance clearly knows what to do. Lance has got this all under control and Blue is living for this.]

[He shakes his head, no. He hasn't tried those things. Should he? Should he tell her everything he's thinking?]

[CAN LANCE COME WITH HIM.]

[spacebaloney]

[Depends. What is he thinking? If he's anything like Lance, there's a sure chance that there's a lewd thought or ten better left stuffed inside Blue's brain.

He should definitely try those things. Probably guaranteed to work better than when Lance tried it on Allura.

And no, Lance cannot come with him. For starters, it's pretty much impossible for a human to play wingman for a Pokemon. Secondly, Lance is a taken man. No cheating over here.]

All right, check it. Do you know where she hangs out? Who her trainer is? If we can figure out that, we can figure what she likes and see what you can do to convince her you got it.

[shiro2hero]

[Pokemon don't have lewd thoughts. Not like people do, anyways. But he'd sure feel a lot more comfortable if his Hero could go with him. Just for a little while. Just to meet the lady pokemon.]

[He swings his feet again. Then starts chattering. No, he's not sure if she even HAS a trainer. She's just out chilling on the beach sometimes. And who doesn't like being on the beach!]

[spacebaloney]

[Well, if he wants his hero's approval, that can be arranged. Sometimes knowing your friends agree that so and so is a major hotties helps.]

So no trainer. Then she's a wild one, huh? [Lance, don't double entendre a Pokemon.] How does she look in a bikini, dude?

[Look, beaches mean swimsuits and he's seen shops that carry clothing for Pokemon. Besides, this is a man to man talk and Lance sees nothing wrong with a little locker room gossip. Gross, though.]

[shiro2hero]

[It does. Blue has no idea how they're communicating this, or why Lance would think he has good taste, but man. He is glad it's working out.]

[A nod. At least, Blue thinks so? Maybe he just hasn't seen a trainer. He may be clueless. It wouldn't surprise anyone who knew him.]

[But the last question. He blinks.]

[... Lance.]

[What is a bikini.]

[spacebaloney]

[Only the greatest thing invented by man, Blue! And probably by men, considering the item in question.]

You've never seen her in one. [Poor Blue. He's really missing out on that visual.] Okay, got it. Let's start from the basics. Does she have a name?

[shiro2hero]

[Squeak, says Blue.]

[It's probably the other pokemon's name. Loosely translated, the name would probably be something like "Kevin".]

[Because apparently this pokemon's trainer is the kid from UP.]

[spacebaloney]

[Lance narrows one eye, not quite sure he can make out Blue's response. It sounded like Squeak, but that could just be some onomatopoeia mistaken as a name. After a moment, he shrugs because it doesn't matter. What matters is that they get a list of important information so Blue can work on making a killer impression.]

Okay, so we got a name. She likes the beach and doesn't seem to have a trainer. Anything else you can think of about her? Have you seen her on the network?

[Because lord knows these Pokemon fiddling with the 'gears when they aren't supposed to.]

[shiro2hero]

[Squeak squeaker squeak.]

[There's a lot of gesturing involved this time. Hand waving, charades, you name it, Blue is trying to do it. What it all breaks down to is, no. He hasn't seen her on the network. Just wandering about on the beach.]