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» in space, everybody can hear you scream

You've reached Lance, the Paladin of the Blue Lion. It breaks my heart to tell you that I'm unavailable to take your call right now, but if you leave me a message, I'll get right back to you.

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Lance.

[It's firmer. He's the king of avoiding conversations. Avoiding talking about things that are bothering him. You can't talk your way around someone this used to doing the same thing. It's just not possible. He figures he shouldn't stand up, while this "processing" happens. So he turns in the chair. Facing him.]

Come on. Talk to me. [Now, instead of firm, it's a little pleading. He wants to help. These two mean the world to him -- in wildly different ways, but neither of them is in any competition with the other. Not for him.] You know he didn't know it was yours... right?

[Not at first. But surely Jean didn't go back there. Did he? Or did Shiro miss something? Has this been going on even after Jean found out who Lance was? The guy Shiro told him about? Specifically because they were a lot alike?]

[He watches Lance's back. He wants to text Jean right here. Ask him to at least back off that particular shop. But would that really help? His fingers twitch for his 'gear.]

It's really bothering you, isn't it?

[As long as Shiro doesn't stand up, Lance can keep his back turned to him and continue trying to avoid this impending conversation. Scrubbing at the little plastic bowl long after the bleach has swirled down the drain, he doesn't know what to say that doesn't sound like the song of a whiner. Just like that guy on the network called him. A whiner.

Well, maybe the one thing Lance is good at is whining.

In the end, it doesn't matter if Jean did or didn't know it was his shop. It still happened, it happened more than once, and Lance was just reminded of how much he lacks in skills and talents. A hard reminder too. With Keith, it was easier to deal with since Keith didn't really give into Lance's poking and no matter what, they still needed Lance to fly Blue. But Jean bites back. And so does Robbie. And there's no Voltron here so in the end, there's no need to keep Lance around. Like he told Shiro already: everybody else has their person and place in this world, in this house. Shiro has Matt and Keith. Now the addition of Jean makes that knowledge a little more bitter.

Honestly, Lance doesn't know a thing about Jean. Doesn't know where he's from, what he's all about. Doesn't even know how much they're alike. But then again, no one in this place keeps Lance in the actual loop. All Lance knows is that on the totem pole of people in this household, he's at the bottom rung and Jean is sitting pretty at the top.]

I forgot to get shampoo.

[God, does it bother him. He doesn't even know where begin describing how going to work is an even bigger drag now, an anxiety triggering thing wondering if today his branch will be the one Jean comes to antagonize. But Lance can't speak the words stuck in his throat, the ones that want to admit that he knows his shortcomings all too well and sometimes just wants to give up trying when he knows he's just going to get nowhere, so he just turns quickly, trying to bypass Shiro and head down to his room.]

Lance.

[Again, with a little more command in it. He doesn't want to. But this hurts to watch. It hurts to sit here and know his friend is suffering and trying to brush it all under a rug, just like he does. Of all the things to pick up from him, this is what Lance takes on. Or ... maybe he had it in him all along, and it's only now bubbling up.]

[He's going to talk to Jean. He makes up his mind right then and there. Maybe it'll blow up, or maybe it'll actually help something. Give Lance a little reprieve while he keeps trying to find his footing. And -- god he deserves it. The guy works so hard here. Anyone would be stupid not to see it.]

[It only makes him want to try to help more. But he can't do that. Not until he knows how to.]

[He puts a hand out, to try and forestall the teen's exit. To try and get him to look him in the eye. Even for a moment. He would stand up, he would block him that way, if it didn't feel like so much overkill. Unnecessarily so.]

Talk to me.

[It's not whining. Not if his friend, his teammate, needs to get it out. He's supposed to listen to his team. Supposed to be there for them. And more and more it's felt like he can't do that, for whatever reason. Either he's not aware of what's happening, or they're ducking out without notice like Armin or he's slipped too far away from the ideal they need.]

[So the next word is quiet. And aching a little around the edges.]

Please.

[The old cliche of working hard to get to where you want seems to exist only to mock Lance. He's busted his ass to get into the Garrison, to become a fighter pilot, but it always seemed to come with a tag hanging off of everything. A tag that has the word "But" written on it. He got into the Garrison, but everybody expected him to be as good as Veronica. He got promoted from cargo to fighter, but only because Keith flunked out. He tried to be the best barista he could be, spending hours practicing with cups of hot water, balancing them in a way he would have to with multiple cups of coffee, researching the different kinds of beans, grounds, and brewing processes... busting his ass doing too much for someone only making a little more than minimum wage.

And the but here is someone else coming along and doing it way better in a super impressive way and while it's not strictly about drinks, it's the principle of the matter. No matter how hard Lance tries at something, there'll always be someone in his face that's superior at it. Working hard just to get nowhere.

Even now, Shiro is better at brushing things under the rug than Lance is. Lance shouldn't have said anything. Shiro has his own problems to worry about. Just should have kept the topic at license requirements and let Shiro think that's what's stopping him. The hand in front of him stops him only because Lance knows if he brushes through it, it'll probably clamp down on his shoulder and make him stay. There's only but so far he can run in this house that suddenly seems smaller than it actually is.]

What's there to talk about? It's fine. [It is not fine and it hasn't been fine for almost three months now and Lance should know better than to use that line on someone like Shiro. Not even the forced smile on Lance's face will have anybody with a lick of sense believing it.] Getting a license to do hair is going to take a long time, that's all. Longer than whatever time I probably have here.

[Just enough time for him to learn how to push everything down deeper and prevent everybody from seeing him change from a goofball to a whining goofball.]

That's not what's bothering you.

[There were several other conversations that turned this way. Way before he'd made offhand mention of Lance finding a place in the salon. Like when Hunk had vanished. There were others, when he got the feeling something else lurked below the surface. Reasons why he'd asked Harry and Yuuko both for advice on how Lance could find something for himself.]

[It's not fine.]

[It's absolutely not fine, and he knows it.]

We have time, right now, Lance. I want to listen to you.

[He doesn't care if it's whining or not. Whenever he's heard anything close to being considered whining out of Lance, it wasn't serious. He got over it. Shiro wouldn't consider him such an important member of their team if he were the type to seriously blow everything out of proportion.]

[How does he make Lance believe he's as sincere as he is? Every time he tries, it seems like nothing sinks in. Like nothing comes out right or nothing's truly believed. It's disheartening, it hurts.]

[But not enough to stop trying.]

You're important to me. As my teammate, my friend. I want to help, if I can.

[It's true that it's not. It's also true that this is the first time Lance has ever lied to Shiro, but he feels the need to. He remembers Shiro saying things got in the way before and Lance might believe that was fate saving Shiro from him. Shiro might want to listen to him right now, but in the end, things won't matter. Lance just knows that as soon as Jean steps into the room, he'll be another one of those things that happen to get in the way. It'll hurt less if Lance just accepts things like that as fact and reality and expect it to eventually happen, right? Setting yourself up to expect disappointment means you won't be as crushed with the inevitable happens.

Hey, look. None of this would have happened if Lance didn't say a peep about Jean. Shiro carving out time to talk to Lance? That pales in comparison to getting someone to fix his hair. And that's fine. Lance is learning where he stands in relation to how important he really is to this house. He was only important to one person and his mom isn't here so there goes that one person.]

Dude, there's nothing to help except your hair!

[Lance forces the smile even more and makes a joke that is clear he doesn't even find funny himself. If Shiro can hide things that are bothering him from everybody--even Matt--then Lance can do it too. He'll just have to try that much harder to think before he speaks and not give off so many tells that he's shoving everything down that much deeper. No whiner here. Nope. What would give anybody that idea? Just a go-getter with great hair who solves his own damn problems and does it quietly. Yep, that's him. Good ol' Lancey Lance. Definitely not a baby who fails at everything.]

Please...

[But it feels helpless. The word feels like a plea that won't materialize. He doesn't know why this is so hard. He thought they could tell him anything. That he'd be able to do something. He could help. That if they needed him, he'd be there for them.]

[All of them. Why does Lance feel like he's so much different? Like he's outside that circle of assistance? Does he need to back off him? Support him more? He doesn't know, and he can't know unless they talk.]

[Which Lance isn't letting him do.]

I want to help.

[Lance thought he could tell anyone anything, but ever since sucking down his pride (or most of it anyway) and getting burned in return, he decides that it isn't worth it. Not here. Probably not ever. Maybe it was one guy, but that's all that was necessary to show Lance what a bad idea it was.

Shiro says he wants to help, but Lance thinks he's beyond help. He's a hot mess of a person who can't do anything right, can't do anything better than anyone else, and that's just the truth in his head. The team leader can spend his time with someone who isn't destined to fail. Spend time with his incredibly smart boyfriend, hang out with Keith, wear ugly shirts,. All things that got in the way before can get in the way again.]

Shiro, I need to get the shampoo so we can wash that bleach out of your hair or else it'll fall out. Can we just do that?

[Can he just escape and pretend nothing happened? That would be cool.]

[Let it, he wants to say. Let it fall out, he almost says.]

[But he's said all he can think to say. Tried as much as he can. And yet this just keeps slipping out of his grasp. No matter how much he approaches this, how he tries to promise and be sincere, Lance won't answer. Like he's done something to make him think Shiro doesn't want to help. Like his words just bounce off a wall.]

Lance, I want to tell you to forget the bleach.

If something's bothering you, it's more important to me than my hair. And that's the truth. I... can't say that any more plainly.

[He wants to say that. He wants to say it and have it work. Have it help. Have it unlock this -- start to help this heal, whatever it is. Whatever problem Lance is having with Jean, I want to help.]

[He lets his hand drop. The feeling of defeat riding cold in his chest. The feeling he's let someone down.]

But you're not going to tell me. Are you?

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