spacebaloney | » in space, everybody can hear you scream

[He really didn't see it. Things like that never pass by Lance because he's too busy measuring himself against other people--just like how he measures his worth on a scale of importance in this house--and it blinds him to the truth that he isn't replaceable. Sure, he's had to bust his ass to get where he is, even when he wished he didn't have to work so hard to feel like he has a toe on the field, when things feel like they come so much easier for others. But no one else on the team can wield a rifle like he can, pull off a tight shot in a small amount of time like he can, or actually stop Keith from killing the Balmara because he's about to run headfirst into some Galras without a plan. Lance just needs a little encouragement that isn't a well-deserved wap to the back of his head.]

I don't know. [He shrugs, turns back to looking at his hands in his lap.] I thought maybe after you told him all the cool stuff the other guys can do like hacking, and fixing the tech and making space goo actually taste like chicken and being top pilots, you had to come up with something for me and settled on... team goofball.

Why would that be the thing I decided to use, for you?

[Well, okay, it's not wrong. Technically. Lance is a goof. But, he's gotten better. He's gotten a lot better. And they need that, sometimes -- all of them need that sort of levity around. It's a nice reminder they're still human, sometimes. Humans who can appreciate goofy things. That makes it far more positive than Lance himself can probably see it.]

[Now he's stepping back inside, because distance doesn't feel right.]

I wouldn't have told him about the others, anyway. He didn't remind me of them. Not even once. He never wanted to know, either.

[The Gallade just nods. Solemn -- more so than he tends to be, anyway.]

[It is an earned title, but Lance has learned that there's a time for shenanigans and a time where people's lives are on the line and a joke could get someone killed. Or worse, get himself killed. He still has moments of bragging of course; that's a habit that will never die. But he's grown into a more mature, more respectful Paladin in this short time. It's just so hard to see that change in yourself when you're busy envying the others around you.]

Never? [Lance furrows his brows at that bit of information. It rings weird to him.] How come?

[Lance asks the Gallade as if he could actually form words and explain his thought process. Honestly, he wouldn't hold it against Blue if he got curious about the others, but to not ask at all after hearing about Lance? This guy is being thrown for a trip so far he doesn't even have it in him to be depressed anymore.]

[See, that's where the growth comes in. That's where the pride comes in. That he's learned, that he's figured out there's a line, how to stick to it. One of these days, when Shiro's not so worried about his teammate's well-being, he'll figure out how to say it. Hopefully.]

[He tries, he's tried his best, but he's still... kind of a disaster of his own, deep down.]

It wasn't important to him, I think. He connected with you, just hearing about you.

[Another series of nods from the Gallade. Look, he's not the strongest. He's a support Pokemon. Is it really a wonder he went and identified with the guy who struggled too?]

... Blue's not one of the frontliners. He's a support. He'll come out, buff our defenses, lower the opponent's. When he's got the advantage, he takes it.

But I think that's why he clicked with you -- it took him a while to figure out where he fit best, too.

[Okay well, thanks for that, Dad. Blue sort of hunkers down where he's sitting, looking as embarrassed as a lanky onion knight can.]

[If Shiro's a disaster, then what is Lance? Shiro is as much of a hero to Lance as Keith is to him. He holds both of them in high esteem, admires the hell out of them, and wanted to strive to be just like them. Sure, Lance has a real shitty way of showing it to Keith, but with Shiro, Lance hasn't hesitated on accepting Shiro as his leader like a fish to water.

Other people's skills weren't important to Blue, not when Lance was in his sight. Lance always strove to be the one in the spotlight, to be the one the crowds remember. But that's not his place, not the one he's meant for, so was it any mystery why he kept failing at the position that fate hadn't set out for him? Just because he's a jack of all trades doesn't mean he's a master of none. He's great at what he does--sniping opponents, the one who brings light to the dark serious issues they are dealing with, the one who reminds them all that no matter what war they are fighting or where they've come from, there's still a time where it's necessary to take a breath and switch their mindset from constant violence to remembering they are more than just fighting machines. Lance just needs to realize no one is keeping score. Except for Blue and that's only because someone needs to ammunition to throw at the haters.

Lance reaches down and pats Blue's head, smiling softly. They really are two of a kind, aren't they? Two people thinking they need to do one thing when all along, they were in the perfect spot.]

So you keep your team from killing themselves? Proud of ya, Blue.

[That might not exactly what Blue does, but if anybody knows what a little praise can do, it's Lance.]

[Blue perks up immediately, his little mouth open in a look of pokemon-shaped shock. He didn't expect to hear this. Any of this. He knows his trainer is proud of him, sure, but his hero? That's on another level.]

[He's never washing his head again.]

I think you just made his entire life. [There's a beat, and Shiro's attention shifts from the Gallade to Lance again.] Thank you.

[No one else could, not really. Look, Blue's a good pokemon, deep down. He trusts and follows his trainer, but? For someone else to say that? To see it? It probably means as much to Blue as it would to Lance. Blue's eyes are practically sparkling.]

[So... Shiro takes that opportunity to reach out, and put his hand on Lance's shoulder. Like an unconscious imitation of what his teammate just did for his Gallade.]

You know that goes for you too. Right? Maybe you don't see it yet, but you've done a lot to be proud of.

I am, anyway.

[Has Blue washed his hand since Lance fistbumped him in the bathroom a couple weeks ago? At this rate, Blue won't be washing at all.]

He better not expect it on a regular basis. It'll start getting stale.

[Lance is completely and utterly joking. He would never be stingy on the compliments--all well meaning compliments--if it meant someone else wouldn't feel the way he does sometimes. Especially Blue. The crazy Pokemon looks up to him, has looked up to him even before they met, and Lance can't deny that it makes him warm inside. Someone who didn't even lay eyes on him first thinks he hung the moon.

Lance'll have to remember that next time he feels like he's just dragging everybody else down.

He looks up at the solid hand on his shoulder and then follows the arm up to the face of the man that's changed Lance's life more than he could ever know. Shiro may think he can control how they all get their second chances here, but Lance has not and will never blame him for that. Shit happens. They'll just have to stick together as a team as much as they can.]

Do you... Do you mind if you know... maybe you could slap me upside the head with that every so often?

[It's a big step for him to admit that. A huge leap for him to admit all of this, to explain that a lot of his behavior stems from his lack of self-faith. But here in the privacy of his bedroom, between the three of them, Lance feels safe to begin working on it. Life is too short. Life here is too short and any of them could get sent back like Hunk. He just wants to have someone in his corner as he finds his way.]

[Blue has washed because Kuro threw him in the ocean when he started smelling like an actual onion.]

If it's coming from you, I don't think that's possible for him.

[Lance may be joking, but Shiro's absolutely serious. He really doesn't think it's possible for anyone to get tired of their hero's compliments. Honestly, if that's what it takes to help his teammate out, he's more than happy to let Blue mob Lance at every opportunity. At least until he gets his feet under him, here.]

[It's the least he can do, after all this. And Shiro really is proud of him. He's really tried his best since he got here, the... one flirtatious network post aside. Losing Hunk, this whole thing with Keith -- Lance is trying. And it hasn't gone unnoticed.]

No, I don't mind. Reminding you, but not the slapping part. Pretty sure that's not in my job description.

[He's going to do it. Absolutely. He's going to do anything and everything in his power to make it easier for these guys. His fingers squeeze that skinny shoulder. Anything for them, really. Long as it takes.]

You're doing a good job here, man. You really are.

Not too sure on the good job part, to be honest.

[He hasn't done much of anything impressive since he got here. Anybody can get a food service job without actual work experience. The manager didn't even care that Lance was a space pilot. The job wasn't dependent on skill when Lance willing to work any and all shifts mattered the most. The trouble with training Kaltenecker still continues when he sees everybody else bonding tightly with their starters. The only thing Lance feels he's done right was not turn any of the house's white shirts pink when he did the laundry.

Lance shrugs, a frown twisting his mouth to the side.]

I'm not doing anything, really.

You haven't been here all that long, too. I don't think anyone should expect you to just leap in and find your place right away.

[Speaking from experience there. The only reason Shiro felt this at ease was time. Time and the fact when he showed up, he'd been completely and utterly determined to get back to the others. Being on his own ... there hadn't seemed like there was a better option, really.]

[Two years later... here he is.]

You're already doing better than I was. I don't think I had more than trail mix and protein bars for... at least a month.

[Maybe nobody really does expect that, but Lance does. He came into a house full of people who knew where they stood, what their talents were and where to best use them. Then Pidge came and it seemed like she just slid right into a place made just for her. Lance slid and hit the wrong side of a cow and never seemed to recover.

That's why Lance wonders why he's still in this house where he's not really needed.]

Pretty sure the only reason why I'm not surviving on those was because you picked me up.

[If Shiro thinks Lance is more capable than him, then Shiro needs to rethink his own self-esteem.]

I'm not.

[Look, he wouldn't lie to you, Lance. He never would. Unless you asked him what he was getting you for Space Christmas or something. But not about this. Never about this.]

I don't think I'll be convinced about that any time soon.

Look, you don't have to believe me about yourself yet. Just... believe me that I believe in you? At least?

» in space, everybody can hear you scream

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RIP I FORGOT TO TAG THIS BACK

IT'S OKAY

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