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idk

[He knows he's being short with Shiro and it's unfair, but Lance just really wants to shut his brain down and not think for a long while. He could live on the road for a while, maybe make enough money to rent a little place in a little town somewhere, but Lance hasn't thought that far ahead yet.]

[There's a long stretch of silence in response. While Shiro wracks his brain to try and process what's happening here. Did he... do something? Is this about something in the house? Did someone else do something?]

If there's anything I can do to How can I help You can always come back Your room will be here we'll be here Promise

[Shiro, it wasn't you. It's never been you. Lance can't quite say the same for Pidge or himself.]

you don't have to promise me anything, you know
i just...
[need to be away from my two best friends for a while.]
nevermind

[He knows he can always come back. Whether he wants to or not remains a mystery.]

Maybe I don't HAVE to. But I am.

[Stubbornly. Determinedly. Fondly.]

"you just"? You know I'll listen. Right?

[Man, Shiro's a tough one. Everybody else would have taken Lance's unusually short and chilly messages as a sign to leave well enough alone, but not Shiro. Then again, Lance knows Shiro wasn't made leader because he rolls over easily.]

look i just did something really stupid and i'm removing myself from the situation to make things easier for everybody
that's all
don't make a big deal about it

[Like Lance didn't make a big deal about it by sneaking out.]

[He cares about you, Lance!! Accept it.]

What happened?

[Called it. Something went down. And of course, Lance took it upon himself to take the blame and scoot.]

[... he hates that the reaction sounds familiar.]

[He will once you accept not everything is your fault!]

you gotta promise not to tell anyone
promise to not try and fix this, shiro
i need to trust that you're not going to get yourself involved here

[Sometimes, you need to let the kids handle their own problems. Or at least learn how to. Can't save them all.]

[Dammit Lance. Those are major terms. So the response is a bit delayed... while he debates how to say it.]

Does trying to talk you through it count as fixing things?

[He knows by the amount of time it takes Shiro to reply back that Shiro is having a real hard time just saying "Okay." to any of his request. That makes Lance hesitate on opening up. He needs Shiro not to make this any harder than it already is.]

yes because you trying to talk me through things is you trying to fix it
i need you to
not

[Because you give Shiro an inch, he might just take a mile in the advice book.]

You're asking me to sit and say nothing. Just listen?

yes that's what i'm asking you to do

You know I hate this, right?

then nevermind
it's really not that important
i told you it wasn't a big deal and it's not
so just forget i said anything

[Clearly this is a sign to keep his mouth shut. if he has to jump through hoops in order to get someone to listen to him finally open up, it's too much trouble. At least in therapy, he can pay someone to make listening to him easier. ]

Hey Just because I don't like it doesn't mean I won't do it. If that's what you need -- then I promise you. Just listening.

[Lance is squinting down at his 'gear, wondering if he can really trust Shiro with this.

Well, here goes nothing.]

i kissed pidge
she hated it

[She actually did not, but that's how it feels for Lance when she didn't respond in anyway that seemed receptive.]

[Lance do you have any idea how hard it is not to march into Pidge's room and ask her? It's super hard. It's painfully hard. More than anything he just. Wants to fix this. Or at least help...]

[He has to grip the arm of the chair.]

How do you know she hated it? [Wait, no--] You don't have to answer that.

she didn't kiss me back
didn't say she liked me back when i told her that's why i kissed her
it was pretty obvious
i'm not that stupid

[Yet he answers anyway.]

You don't think maybe she was just Surprised?

[Look, if Lance is going to answer, he might as well ask. And stop, if it looks like he's going to clam up again.]

she wasn't surprised enough to tell me she wasn't my type
i don't even have a type

[Aside from anything that breathes.]

and when a girl tells you they need time after you just told them you like them they're just letting you down easy
i should know
it's happened a lot

But She didn't say you weren't hers. Did she?

[This probably won't help much, but:]

Lance I don't really know what to tell you, but my experience with girls is not great.

she didn't say anything at all except ask me why i did it over and over
she was questioning my motives
like she didn't trust my feelings for her were real

[Lance frowns at the 'gear again and realizes he's said too much already. Time to clam up tighter than a Clamperl. He'll say nothing about his issues with Hunk to Shiro.]

i didn't want you to tell me anything, remember?
i told you not to get involved

What if she wasn't questioning MOTIVES- look, I know Matt had a lot of "why me" when we started. He still does. It wasn't about ME, it was about HIM

[... crap.]

yeah I do. You don't -- have to answer any of this. I'm sorry. This isn't going further than this conversation.

shiro, you're doing what i asked you not to do

[Besides, Pidge is Pidge and Matt is Matt. They might be related and look alike, but they're two different people and Lance can't make that kind of connection to them.]

this is something you can't fix
you can't make her like me
it's fine
i should be used to rejection by now

[It's not fine. If it was, he wouldn't be MIA right now.]

I'm really trying not to I am

[It's more of an effort than he expected it to be, honestly.]

I'm not trying to MAKE her do anything And I can't agree it's fine You guys

[He leaves it there for a minute. This is dangerously close to Personal. And he'd never intended to make it about him.]

You guys are the most important people I've got. All of you. Just makes me want to do anything for you, I guess. But I won't push. I won't say a word to Pidge.

you don't have to agree because it doesn't involve you

[It's fine. It really is! Allura, Korra, Angel, Yuuko, and Alex all rejected him too. Even Annie rejected him in her own special way. Let's not even start on any of the Garrison girls. There's a pattern to things and thinking it will change anytime soon is a foolish notion.]

don't say anything to anybody
especially hunk
he has a big mouth

[And last thing he needs his other crush to know is how badly he crashed and burned when he genuinely tried, minus all the bravado and bragging.]

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shiro2hero - 2019-01-05 23:59 (UTC) - Expand